The Mal-Connect

A ‘mallu’ colleague of mine once remarked  “If a guy doesn’t booze, smoke and devour meat like a carnivore, he is not a malayalee.”

I would have subscribed wholeheartedly if I were not aware of some niggling exceptions and by a strange stroke of  fate , had married one of them ! My colleague promptly labelled him a traitor who threatened to defame the image of
the esteemed Malllu male.

These endearing characteristics apart, there is another one which caught my attention.

As I finished narrating an interesting incident to an audience and waited for the reaction, the gentleman spoke ‘Malayalee aano’ (Is he a malayalee? ). I scratched my head, as the origins of the persons featuring in the incident would have been a matter of no further consequence, with no bearing to the central theme of what I was trying to narrate.

That was my first.  Since then and after several such occurrences, I was more experienced in Mal matters and understood the unspoken truth….A malayalee is always in search of another malayalee.

An average malayalee (non-malayalee spouse included) is expected to keep a detailed count and whereabouts of all malayalees in the vicinity – Number of malayalees living in the Apartment, Number of malayalees at work place, Number of malayalee intellectuals, Number of malayalee CEOs , Number of malayalee politicians…..the list is endless.

Birds or ‘Beards’ in Mal-tounge , of the same feather do flock together..but do all beards which flock together have the same hair err..feather..huh.

And finally when a malayalee does meet another, its instant bonding..starting with ‘Malayalee aano ?’ (Are you a malayalee ?) which is normally a redundant question the moment or at times even before the first word is spoken, if you know what I mean.
‘Naadu evide aannu’ (Where is your native ?) and the usual barrage of Mal to Mal questions/answer session. Frantic nodding , smiling and after 5 minutes, you can’t tell them apart !
On certain occasions, even the genealogy is traced when suddenly, the voices resonate in unison as a certain Shekhara Menon of Kottayam is found to be related to both parties.

I am inclined to think that the word ‘M-seal’ is derived from the glue like bonding observed between 2 Mals.
This bonding is much better observed in foreign locales where the density of the mallus is slightly lower than the number of crows in Gods own country.

Lot of tricky situations are made less trickier and sticky situations less stickier , thanks to the Mal-Connect !

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15 thoughts on “The Mal-Connect

  1. Aditya/@TaiyouSun

    WoW! What an experience! I have always felt insignificant when I meet my mallu friend’s friends for I am not mallu they completely ignore me!

  2. PhillyGuy

    ROFL. I don’t know about Mal-Connect but if we were playing guess who, and you had described the tendency to me, my first reaction would have been Tamilians or Bengalis! I have dear dear friends in both communities but somehow whenever one is in a group of either Bangalis or Tamils, one might as well not exist. One is worse than the fly on the wall. Possibly because one doesn’t speak the “heavenly” tongue. Sometimes I genuinely get the impression that Tamil predates Sanskrit/Latin/Greek or even humanity itself, you see its so ancient saar. And sugar obviously has got nothing on the sweetness of Bangla bhasha. Every other language is an abuse of the word language 😀

    1. Nomad

      I think one can safely say that it is applicable to most communities, whether based on a common language, region, religion, caste… depending on which characteristic is in real or perceived minority (read threatened by being not the majority).
      It is a primal human tendency to seek out one’s own kind- it is stronger in some people, and quirkier in some groups – I think the quirkiness is rated by others by how different “they” are from “us” (us being the “mainstream” or majorities).

      1. PhillyGuy

        I think you hit it on the head. It is indeed primal. Its tribal. But it is still funny to watch in action!

  3. PhillyGuy

    Post is racist in nature but it is so true….

    And I am Salman Khan! Ok that is not so true….but Jaaliengineer needs some Asli humor. Come on dude. Have you ever wondered why so many books get banned in India, supposedly the world’s largest democracy? No this is not another rant about free speech. But you probably didn’t get the fact that you were being “judgemental” in calling this “racist”?? Perhaps its just me, but I see irony here 😦

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