Wife to a Birder – II

My son hollered ‘Boridyem playmobilia’ which promptly got my husband’s attention.Translated from tree-latin it means – ‘I am dying of boredom and I am going to play on your mobile’. It’s our in-house language which we designed shortly after my husband suddenly developed a strange disease.

Whenever we went out, he developed this weird habit of looking around and muttering under his breath and no, he wasn’t looking at the birds.If you remember, we had narrowly escaped bankruptcy after I put my foot down in ‘Wife to a Birder‘.I tried to listen in ‘Caesalpinia pulcherima…Holoptelea integrifolia…Bombax malabaricum…Barringtonia acutangula…Ficus religiosa…Pongamia pinnata…”
This was serious.Finally my bird-brained husband was becoming hair-brained.Of course, that didn’t surprise me one bit.All that hankering behind Munias and Prinias was bound to take a toll.

He was still taking off to his early morning birding jaunts, but mornings soon stretched into afternoons. I would eye his uneaten breakfast balefully and attack it with gusto.Better not to waste tasty,wholesome,healthy grub ! Oh..okay..hold your horses,I will strike off the ‘tasty’.

Coming back to the topic at hand, when afternoons threatened to turn into evenings, I decided to take matters in hand.Finally he trudged in with the SACK. During his early days in birding, he would just carry along his camera or a pair of binocs..but lately, he had starting carting around this mammoth sack which he wouldn’t let go even for a minute.I grabbed an opportunity to sneak a glance inside,when my husband was busy ogling a pair of silver bills nesting in the verandah. Bird book…butterfly book..insect book..tree book…tree book..tree book..leaves..more leaves..sticky fruit…EEK ! what was that..dead butterflies ! I hurriedly stuffed them all in.

I decided to broach the subject without further ado. There’s no easy way to break this, is there ? Yoohoo ! Sorry old chap, I think you are finally turning into a fruit-cake and you ought to go see a shrink.He barely raised an eyebrow.He was still muttering and furiously checking his camera and one his books.’Dalbergia lanceolaria’, he shouted suddenly startling me out of my shrink reveries. That evening, I had a hurried and whispered consultation with a family doc..he had gone completely over the top after seeing this Dalbergia somebody (Gosh ! I didn’t even know if it was a man or a woman ?? I hoped for his sake it was a man). That night, I had a fitful sleep with my husband mumbling strange names in his sleep as well..”Terminalia …..Limonia acidissima….” He was going to terminate me with lime-acid ? and he was speaking in code.

And all of a sudden on a fine sunny day, on a leisurely drive, who should I meet ? Dalbergia ! Not Dalbergia lanceolaria but Dalbergia latifolia. My husband was giving a commentary..also known as the Indian rosewood..a large deciduous tree…

Finally the fog cleared and so it was,that our in-house tree-Latin came into existence destined to attract the attention of this special category of ‘tree-ers’.

And I never thought I would say this..but I missed BIRDS. The Brahminis aka. the Rukminis, the Wagtails and the Bee-eaters.Such cute twittering creatures who would eventually go their away and let sane people suffer birders better. But not trees, they were everywhere – more ‘everywhere’ than I ever thought birds would be. The only other ever-pervading, omni-present hobby these days can be based on garbage – The Garbagers ?
Sitting beside my husband while driving has become an extremely dangerous sport with my teeth rattling every 2-seconds as we jumped over a pothole while he loving admired the wayside Tabebuia argentea. Once when a friend invited us to a garden party, I had to endure eating endless Paneer-Tikkas by myself as I waited for my husband to join me for lunch,who was busy enjoying the gardeners company.
We were watching a murder thriller…as the murderer’s hand slowly emerges from behind a tree and in the pin drop silence ‘Cupressus torulosa’ booms and earns us a few well-earned glares.

On a particular family dinner, I turned to see my husband in deep conversation with his brother when suddenly they shouted in unison ‘Tabernaemontana alternifolia’ ! I assured some gaping onlookers that it was the new series of Hannah Montana.
Ah..heavens forbid..it was catching !


24 thoughts on “Wife to a Birder – II

  1. Hey, I know that thing about the obsessive-compulsive craving to go bankrupt! But then it is best to stay clear off the path of a speeding bullet train and that is where the spouses usually step in. After all, those astronomically priced photographic components won’t feed the family -unless one were to make it big (in other words, if the sky falls….). You must watch out though for other manifestations of the mania!

    Thanks for that hilariously depicted state of affairs.

  2. hahaha, awesome read! i have been visiting your blog for past one or two months to see if there was any humor post. (unfortunately) you have been writing some review kinda things of late which i don’t understand. i am really glad to see this post here today. this one is as good as part 1, if not better (just visited the page to see if my comment is there. don’t want to be called a liar). you are one of those VERY few humor writers whose posts i love to read. keep rocking! (copying the post now).

  3. Hahaha! This was a gem. Take care while driving and crossing the road.
    Somehow, the images of two flowers quivering on the screen while the hero and heroine kiss behind them sprang up in my mind. I think you can use that to test the levels to which you should be worried.

    1. Thanks Alka ! My husband is the bird watcher in the family..my knowledge is only by observation :-).This post contains more of tree names..the part 1 of this was on Birds.Do read it if you get a chance…

  4. indrani

    Lot many bird names there that flew over my head… but the humor is intact. πŸ˜€ Enjoyed reading the piece Ash. (sorry for the poorly attempted humor in the first line. :P)

  5. lol… part 1 was hilarious, this has been much more fun reading…
    birders are there everywhere, but tree-ers are very few, so you are a lucky wife of a tree-er… πŸ˜‰
    and btw…he loves your take and says “Read the rants about me by my better half…(By the by its all a big fat lie. its a devilish scheme to tarnish my spotless personality”…lol!

  6. Uma Bharath

    You write fabulously! Thoroughly enjoyed your posts! I’m guilty of being a fellow treer, just like your spouse, whom I met this morning. You folks just blow me away with your talents! Cheers to you both! Wishing you more such posts and to Ajit, lots more birds, trees, insects, snakes, butterflies,…

    1. Thanks Uma for your appreciation ! Great to have you here.and please don’t feel guilty..if it hadn’t been people like you and my husband, I wouldn’t have known what treers were and would have never been inspired to write such a post πŸ˜€

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