The ‘Idiot Box’ for Dummies

It was one of those blissful weekends, where rhythmic sounds tend to invoke only one thought – sleep; the beckoning bed with its soft pillows. After almost falling off my chair twice , I shook myself awake, determined not to fall prey to the call of the seductress. Shrugging off the torpor, I tuned in to my old telly.

Click. A melee of arms and legs and somebody landed a right hook. They were quickly being ushered into their white ambassador cars.MPs had come to blows again. We definitely cant say that our politicians aren’t ‘sporty’.

Click.The fat-faced perpetually frowning detective, frowned some more. One couldn’t definitively say whether it was a murder mystery with a comic twist or vice-versa .

Click.Two women standing back to back and conversing with the wall. Camera zooms in from all angles on a woman’s face. ‘BAHU’ ‘BAhu’ ‘Bahu’ ‘bahu’ .The sense of deja-vu is overwhelming .It attests to the fact that soaps are proving to be more successful than some of the state governments in recent times.

Click.A woman sobbing her heart out and a man sitting by her side, coaxing her to watch some footage. Her husband had been ‘apparently’ caught two-timing. These shows give me the heebie-jeebies ! Give him the privacy.Comfort.Security.Have a woman make eyes at him and expect him to be all straightlaced.Nuts.

Click.A contestant had been rejected and the obligatory deluge was dispensed with. Everyone hugged everyone else. It’s a wonder these TV sets don’t get washed away. I am still waiting to see a contestant smile and give you a ‘Clint Eastwood in Big Bad and Ugly’ look in the eyes and say something like..life’s life and that’s that. Attaboy !

Click. Another reality show. They are spreading like the plague.A group of girls and guys swearing at each other.Words that could make the roadside romeos blush.Jealosy,envy,greed,lust and anger are ‘hot’.Guess its just me who’s a hop,skip and jump away from the grave.

Click.Vegetables getting fried.Ahh.. my stomach rumbled. These cookery shows are a regular health hazard. The worst part is when they start digging into the food. Sadists.

Click.Oh no..not the climax of the movie I had planned to watch.

Click.A huge python’s open mouth. Shudder. The shrink had told me that I suffer from ‘ophidophobia’ apart from various other anomalies.

Click.I stared at Bugs Bunny eating rabbits.

Click.A tetra headed, man eating, psychopathic alien was on the loose.The invading aliens have become as ubiquitous as the ‘separated judwa-bhai’ in B-wood.

Click.

Perhaps it’s better that I don’t resist the inevitable and let the soothing sounds of the old fan lull me to sleep.