From Dumpster Woes to Million Dollars

As I chucked my garbage from the balcony trying to aim at the neighbor’s rose garden, some nosy fellow caught me in the act and yelled at me and I yelled right back ! I knew my rights. We are a democratic country, aren’t we ? which gives us freedom to do a variety of things including the freedom to spit, pee and dump wherever we want to. The only thing we aren’t allowed to do is to talk about some ‘bandhs’ on Facebook. Now that was okay, why would anybody talk about bandhs in the first place, they are free holidays after all, wherein the state/nation puts in a concerted effort towards establishing the right environment conducive to familial bonding. And if somebody who’s slightly not right in the head, does have something against free holidays, they are not supposed to talk about it on Facebook. And if somebody does it, then don’t be a blighted chap and go ‘like’ it. Coz’ if you do, old chap , you will be escorted at express speed to the state prison and would miss all chances of reading my wonderful post.

Trash House (c) themoonstone.wordpress.com
Trash House (c) themoonstone.wordpress.com

So coming back to the ‘freedom to dump’ topic , all of us in Namma Bengaluru were going about our daily business, dumping where we wanted and suddenly these village folks who don’t understand the democracy concept raised a big hue and cry.As one of the decent blokes put it, if we urban folks were not inconvenienced then we were okay.Some sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.Now we didn’t ask them to stay where we were dumping our stuff, did we ?
Anyways, those village folks stirred up a hornet’s nest, and then we poor folks had to resort to a lot of desperate means.
We dumped it on the roads ! There, now who could complain that we didn’t care.But no, again some folks had a problem with that, saying it was stinking and all. There were rats and mosquitoes they complained.Ho ! Mosquitoes ! Only weak kneed ninnies are bothered about them, you could always spray some of those mosquito killing stuff available in the market, couldn’t you ? But no, they created a big fuss about one foreign sounding one. And rats, how can they cause a problem, they are divine intervention. But anyway we let bygones be bygones and then one bright chap suggested that we use a heritage site where some of these arty types were planning to have some kind of cultural hub. They screamed blue murder.Okay then, we put forth a very reasonable suggestion which said, lets live in harmony, you have your cultural thing and we have our dumping yard right next door and while we guys dump, we could even look in to see how you guys were sculpting,looking arty or whatever it is that you do.But they would have none of it.

Now, we have decided to dump it under the flyovers. That was an awesome suggestion ! We can soon claim to drive over the worlds biggest trash dumps. That will surely get us on the Guinness Book with people flocking to know how we did it.I am sure it will just be a question of time and we will be able to build a whole city over rotten stinking garbage.Elections will be won or lost depending on who can think up the most innovating dumping sites ! Some brilliant ideas which depict untapped potential are unoccupied flats, balconies, terraces,gardens, football grounds,pavements, stadiums – we can play cricket on dump pitch ! Even bald people wont be safe, as somebody could ask – Err,if you don’t mind, can I dump this on your head ?
We, as human beings will of course, evolve just as we have evolved over so many years, as we will use our nose exclusively to breath and the olfactory receptors would soon become a vestigial organ.

Now I am going to let you in on this brilliant idea I had the other day, as most of my ideas invariably are, the ‘Eureka’ moment as we call it, which I foresee in all possibility to be the business idea of the century.
Once, all the dumping sites are exhausted and all balconies and terraces are filled up, all roads lead to dump yards and all rivers and seas have nice multicolored plastic bobbing in them, then what next ? And that is where my idea comes in. We will build a dump yard in the Moon ! Yes, the Moon , our very own moon which we see shining brightly ! Every country could mark out their dump yard spaces. There would be dedicated moon dumpsters which would take the trash to the moon.
Hopefully, that should last us for at least couple of years, and then we can expand to other planets as well.
Wow, even I am amazed that I could think up “the big picture”. So, I am off to patent my idea and to post an ad in the newspaper which would go something like this – If you wanted a dedicated space up there, this is your last chance to send in your dollar to me.

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20 thoughts on “From Dumpster Woes to Million Dollars

  1. Brilliant….so well written….thoroughly entertaining and makes a lot of sense! I was reminded of the movie Wall-E as I read your post. Solid waste is a huge problem and it will continue to grow as we embrace packaged food and processed items. No question about the fact that these packaged items are cheaper, durable but that’s also the reason why our traditional waste treatment and disposal methods are not able to address the nuisance they create. Either we change the way processed foods are packaged or we update our treatment methods.

    1. Thanks Rohit ! I need to watch this movie..sounds interesting..The earth has already started reeling under the recent climatic changes..reports of an iceberg as big as the US having melted in the Arctic.. and the fact is, its not going to take thousands of years for the situation to deteriorate..its happening NOW and right before our eyes..As you rightly said, the change needs to happen in a much bigger proactive way..not in the reactive manner, the way its happening now..

  2. Oh, yes, watch Wall E, it is a lovely movie. Well, if you search for “waste disposal on moon”, you will find many projects and studies that are underway. It is especially sad when we look at our beautiful rivers. My husband had a beautiful memory of a place by river Ganga, and we went there by bike to spend a lovely day, because you don’t know what a monstrous place knp is, and I really missed nature. But the place was trashed, and the water was full of trash and plastic, and it was not only disappointing, but also sad and worrisome.
    You have managed to bring a smile to my face thought the topic is grim and serious, and I loved your post.

  3. Loved this post…the sarcasm was just as per my taste 😛
    I believe you better get your idea patented as humans are such wily creatures that we will surely think of the moon to dump our garbage.
    As Rohit said..your post reminded me of the movie Wall-E…

  4. If I were a venture capitalist I’d have surely invested in your brilliant idea! One of the several reasons I cut down my photography is the stinking, omnipresent litter. In nearly every worthwhile image I could capture there is that unmistakable stamp of garbage. It is not that we do not have scenic, beautiful locales, neighbourhoods, town squares and all that. it is only they have been defiled beyond redemption.

  5. hahaha, that was a fun read!! actually, dumping all the trash on moon is not a bad idea. it’s useless anyway.

    btw, couldn’t come up with any comment for your recent post other than ‘i agree.’ so, decided to comment on some other post instead.

      1. Phillyguy

        Lol. No the song won’t go like that at all, in fact this will give quite another meaning to the statement चाँद में भी दाग है!

        This post reminds me of our last trip to India, my daughter exclaimed once, “hey daddy looks like a trash truck overturned here.” my wife and I just looked at each other sadly…..this was Delhi, so the problem is not just in Bangalore. Remember the big cloudburst in Mumbai a few years ago? The flooding happened because the drains were dammed by trash!

  6. Just so sad, Ash, isn’t it? I wonder if we learned any lessons the last time around. On a personal level, I segregate and compost all kitchen waste. I recycle all cardboard, newspaper, plastic bottles and milk bags. And then the kachra left in the garbage is so little. Wish we could begin in our homes and then push the government to listen as well.

    1. True Rachna. We can only do what we can and make sure we do our bit.Kudos to you for following it through. The thing that riles me up is public apathy about all this.
      Dumping the way we are doing now is not the answer and there’s no point in arresting those poor villagers who are standing up for their rights.

  7. chsuresh63

    Ha! Ash! There I was merrily chuckling and enjoying myself when you gave me a rude shock – offering my head up as a dumping ground 🙂 Go to the moon OR Alpha Centauri – my head IS verboten 🙂

    1. Till the water level is over our head, we will never learn. And isnt that true for everything in our lives 🙂

      Probably as George Carlin says, earth will figure out for itself and shake us off like a bad case of fleas 😀

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