Dis-engagement Model

Customer: I need something to sit on and relax ( hmm.. a lounge chair would be good )
Marketing: Sure, we will build a sofa and we will throw in a side table in the bargain
 
 
 
Scope Document says “The customer wants something to sit on”
 
 
 
Presales: Here are the sofa’s estimates.
Marketing: If we estimate this high, we might as well not bid at all
Presales: Here are a 3 seater w/o cushion estimates.
Marketing: You don’t get the point, do you ?
Presales: Oh OK…we will estimate for a stool and put costing for 3 days
 
 
 
Project Manager: We have got the project ! How much time would you need to complete this work?
Developer: I don’t know what I have to do (Is this a scope document ? There’s nothing in there !)
Project Manager: Make assumptions (what a moron !)
Developer: If I make the following assumptions (3 legs with a top), it will probably take 40 days
Project Manager: 40 days is too much. All you have to do is build those 3 legs. The integration of the top will happen by itself. Lets put 30 days. I will get you resources. At least 2.(I can probably get those 2 from bench one of whom is totally useless..but at least the count increases)
Developer: I still don’t think those new guys will be productive.. (Aw shucks..he’s probably going to bring some bird brains who will understand the whole thing after its over and probably that would be optimistic)
Project Manager: C’mmon.. you can mentor them, so lets make it 12 days. I am giving you 2 days buffer ! ( There !..made him feel good..didn’t I 🙂)
 
 
 
Delivery Manager: How much time are we going to take ?
Project Manager: Its going to be 12 days
Delivery Manager: This was required urgently by the business. We cannot take 12 days. Why don’t we re-use and automate, we should be able to deliver it in 6 days ( No out-of-the-box thinking these days I tell you..as it is we will overrun)
 
 
 
Engagement Manager: What ! 6 days ! we will lose the customer and our face ! Lets finish the job in 3 days ( God ! These delivery guys ! Who’s going to take the hit in costing )
 
 
 
Engagement Manager: We would need 3 days
Customer: But have you budgeted the time for me to do user acceptance
Engagement Manager: Of course,we will deliver it in 2 days and you would still have 1 day for UAT
 
 
 
Chronology of Events
Day 2: Customer begins to shout
Day 3: Engagement Manager begins to shout
Day 6: Delivery Manager begins to shout
Day 12: Project Manager begins to shout
Day 30: 3 legs with a lopsided top gets delivered for UAT.
UAT: Customer sits and ends up with a broken back and sues company for bad product.
 
 

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One thought on “Dis-engagement Model

  1. PhillyGuy

    This was hilarious. Here’s act 2 of the same “play”:

    Competitor to the original bidder contacts the customer in the hospital. “Those guys are morons. You should have come to us. After all we are the oldest in the business (or the largest or some other cliche).”

    Start of act 2 – Just repeat act 1, but rename characters and actors.

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